Posts Tagged ‘#wealth’

Ok, so I missed a few days. I said I would blog once a day with a new lesson I learned that day, turns out it’s a lot more time consuming than I thought. So what am I gonna do about it? I’m just gonna keep working on it. What am I NOT gonna do? Beat myself up over it, degrade myself, use negative language, feel bad about it, or generally turn it into a negative. I did what I did and I didn’t do what I didn’t do… And that’s the end of it.

So now, without further ado, the lesson of the day :

Do you invest in stocks? Well for those that do, what your doing is investing in someone else and their company. So why not invest in yourself? What kind of return on investment would you get if you invested the time and/or the money into yourself compared to that company? Do you have an idea that’s dancing around in your head of something you’ve always wanted to do? Then why not put the money into it and see what kind of returns you’ll get? Is there a side hustle you’ve always wanted to start up? Maybe something you’re passionate about that makes you smile when you think about it? Well, what if it took off and started generating massive income? Hell, what if it didn’t but made you feel excited to wake up every morning to work on it? What would they be worth to you? Isn’t that really the point of living? Isn’t it the point of making money in the first place? Money itself doesn’t make one happy, it’s what that money can buy. And usually, we’re trying to buy happiness. Well what if that investment bypasses the money and goes right for the happiness and excitement, wouldn’t it be worth it? Wouldn’t it be worth more than a million bucks in your account? Wouldn’t it be priceless? Cause if money bought happiness, wouldn’t the richest country in the world also be the happiest? It would, right? But it’s not. There’s a weird relationship between money and happiness. Happiness is directly proportional to the amount of money you make to a certain point, and then around the 80k mark, it takes a weird turn becoming inversely proportional, where the more money you make the LESS happy you are! So invest in yourself like your a fortune 500 company where ROI is happiness and excitement, and if you happen to make money as a byproduct, well that’s even better!!

So it’s about a week into the new year and I’m finally getting around to putting some thoughts down on paper. I haven’t even been writing in my journal. I’ve fallen a bit behind on my routines that bring be peace. This is one for sure! 
So my mind has been preoccupied lately. Ever since the last week of the year, I got back into checking on stocks. Something of a hobby for me, but with the goal of becoming a day trader in time. I’ve dabbled a bit here and there but nothing serious. Last year before the breakup I had a few grand in some random pot and Blockchain stocks and was making some headway when the breakup happened. That’s when all the money in the world wouldn’t make me feel better if I didn’t have this girl back in my life. So I just gave it up and left the stocks in there. The last week of 2017 I checked on them and they had tripled. Which made me feel worse, not better!! Had they lost tons of cash I’d I tried, it was fun, and that’s that. But they didn’t. In fact, the ones I was watching…. Some has gone up 1000%!! Which made me want to get back in, but now I did t have the cash for it cause I was way over leveraged to get the house done. With the house not done yet, I still didn’t have the cash to transfer to get going again. So as you can imagine, I’ve been beating myself up about it. So much so that it’s creeping into my dreams and affecting my sleep and my mood in general. I’m greeting almost depressed lately. Like I failed. But not like I tried and failed, that I have no issues with. But more like I didn’t try hard enough. I missed the boat, missed the opportunity, the writing was on the wall and I ignored it! And now I’m kicking myself over it. Same feeling I got when we broke up. I wanted her back so bad, to try again. Try hard. Not take her for granted. Go back in time almost and try so hard. So if I fail I can say I gave it my 100% best! It that’s the case the I  can’t be upset. The thing that upsets me is that I don’t try!! I’ve never tried. I’ve always just skated by and not really tried that hard. And it’s always been scenting that’s bugged me. Wasted talent. I get really upset when I see others wasting their talent and it’s clear that it’s projection. It’s cause I’m upset at wasting mine. 

Also, I feel like I’ve been stifled. Held back. I have never been able to save so I could never invest. Something bigger at play. Self sabotage. Back when I was a child it was my parents or my brother. Someone else. But now it’s me. I stifle myself. I don’t try hard enough. I have 40 inventions I’ve come up in my head and yet have taken no action on even of them! An idea not acted on is the same as nothing! Nothing!! At this rate they will all come with me to the grave haunt me. Why have I not acted? I’m not entirely sure yet. Only guess is my character is not ready for that kind of cash yet. For retirement. I work now and I have an amazing job which I enjoy that makes me plenty of money. Had I saved up for a few years I would have been half way to retirement. Had I put the money in these stocks when I wanted to a few years ago I would be totally retired. Had I invested in the ones I wanted to months ago, I’d be half way there already by now. Yet my character is not allowing me to attract this type of wealth. I’m not ready to draw it in. 

Generally in life, things work out for me. Generally lol. Some things haven’t, but even those have gone exactly how they needed to go to get me to a better place. Even though I didn’t see it that way when they were happening. So the only thing I can assume is that this is another one of those things. I can’t know why. I could be that general, my family believes that stock markets are like casinos. In for one person to win someone else has to lose. And that goes against what we believe in. I do believe in a greater being, God, the universe, a power, whatever you call this being. And I believe that this being is always looking out for me. Could this be too much for me to handle right now? Could it be that doing it this way would be the equivalent of playing my bet on red and winning and walking away with a fortune only for it to hurt me down the road? Maybe. I’m just not sure. The one this I know is that I don’t want to lose. I don’t want to fail in life. I’ve always believed I’ve been destined for greatness. To be wealthy and help the world. A philanthropist of sorts saving the planet and its inhabitants. Am I too younge for this? Do I not have the ability to control all this right now? Would it drive me to doing bad ass shit where I would neglect my abilities? Not sure. But I know I always wanted to be rich younge. Drive sweet sports cars when I can enjoy them and not when I’m the old guy in the corvette. I never liked those guys. But can my character support this yet? I don’t know. I thought it could but it’s clear that it can’t.

Generally, I’m the type of person that starts the game and never finishes. And this is another one of those things. I started looking into the stock market but never finished. Never off the ground. I start a book and never finish it. So few do I ever. Most of them have bookmarks in them. I am also not focused. I want to do so many things that end up not doing anything at all! My father is the opposite. He starts and finishes everything. Never things undone. I’ve always wanted to be like him. Yet I value myself very little. Like I just can’t do it. Not good enough or not smart enough or whatever. Just not enough. And I for sure have a ‘not enough’ complex. There’s just never enough. Coming from a place of lack. We never grew up with lots of money so I’ve always wanted and couldn’t get. Then I got a job so I can have money to make my dreams come true. Instead of saving the money and investing and creating and inventing, I did nothing but have a good time. Spent like it was going out of style and never saved anything. I did buy a house so I guess that’s one thing I did right. Of course the GF, she’s definitely one thing I right. I have no doubt that we will be successful in the end and wealthy but I want it now! I always want it now. Short term vs long term. I have no patience and I’m learning all about it. 

I started reading this one book, recommended by the CEO of a very successful Corp the GF is a part of. Crazy enough, they invest people’s money and give then crazy amazing returns. As secure as anything is gonna be in this world with a 10% return. Obv this brings me back to blame as had I had the money saved up, I could have thrown then into the stocks I been watching, turned 10k into 100k, then that 100k into a million. Took that million and invested it with her @ 10% return and BBAAMMM!! 100k a year to live on! I wouldn’t quick my job but I’d have 100k coming in every year to invest, buy a house, whatever. Build the empire. But no such luck. Oh yes, the book. It’s called “The richest man in Babylon”. Such simple principles and yet no one needs to follow them, least of all myself. If only I had a time machine!! Lol right? I’m sure 90% of the world would love one of those!!