Lesson of the day:

Make your plans as if they will be executed exactly as you made them, and when they don’t, go with whatever ended up happening instead.

There’s an old religious saying that goes… “I plan and you plan and God makes his own plan”. In more modern times, this translates to the universe making it so things go a certain way, and that way is always in your favour. Now, what’s the catch? Well, you have to make A plan, whatever it is, and begin to execute. That’s really the only requirement. The plan puts it out there into the universe. The action moves it along to where it will eventually need to be. It’s like planning a trip. Decide where you wanna go. Get in the car and drive the route you wanted to drive. But if a detour comes along, just go with it. Choose it as a choice and not as a decision that you begrudgingly make. You gain your power and build a new experience. And you never know what kinda cool-ass shit you’ll experience along the way.

“I’m not where I wanted to be but I’m exactly where I needed to be”

Why didn’t I think about this before?! Million dollar question, right? I mean how many times do we say that in a lifetime?

So I wanna write more, I wanna blog more, I wanna say more. I wanna spread the word on whatever lessons I’ve learned in this lifetime in hopes that it reaches one person, touches one person, transforms one person’s life on this planet (or whatever planet it’s being read on). We can’t believe that our struggles and triumphs are for nothing, they’re not. There’s a purpose. Mostly they’re vehicles of transport to some next level of the game. The game of life I mean. The most interesting and immersive game we can possibly play.

So what’s stopping me? Well, I am. I’m the only person that ever stops me. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “you’re your own worst enemy”. Well it’s reality. But it’s not “me” that’s stopping me. It’s 10k years of evolution, or lack thereof. Our brains aren’t wired for this world we live in. They’re wired for a life that doesn’t exist anymore. And herein lies the problem. In order to succeed in this life, we have to battle the past. We have to battle evolution, genes, DNA. And that’s a tough battle. A battle we usually lose, cause we don’t even know we’re fighting it. Cause how can you ever win a game when you don’t even know your playing? How can you win a fight if you don’t even know your fighting? The odds are stacked against us. A very fortunate few ever wake up from the matrix to realize their reality. The kicker… If/when you do, you’ll find that you’ve cleansed the doors of perception to a point that you can’t ever turn back. So what’s wrong with that? Well, reality out of the matrix is terrifying as it is exciting. A roller-coaster of sorts. You’ve all seen The Matrix. Well, reality isn’t far off.

So why fight? The battle is too hard, right? Well… Sorta, but not really. The battle itself is tough. Just like anything new. I graduated chemical engineering, and the first couple years were a nightmare. Math… Wow! There was this one course at the end of the program that put it all into perspective. I’ll backtrack a touch though.

So the first year of the program I was still driving back and forth between the city I was in school and where I lived and grew up. I worked at my dads’ variety store at nights helping out. And this old man would come in every night. He looked and smelled homeless. Always wanted to trade whatever he had for a pack of smokes. Sometimes if he brought something in that was of value I’d take him up on the offer. But most times he would just come in and chat for a bit and leave. One day he comes in and asks me…. “So how’s school going young buck?” I tell him I’m frustrated with the math, after all its useless. When am I gonna need to know calculus?! He replies with… “wow you just don’t get it, do you?” “Get what?” I say. “Why they’re teaching how to solve these difficult math problems that seem useless”. “No, clearly I don’t get it, cause it’s useless”. “They’re not teaching to you so you can learn it!” OK so obviously now I’m super confused. “So if it’s not to learn calculus then why the fuck are they wasting my time with it?!” “They’re teaching how to learn!” That was like… Whoa! Some karate kid shit. Some situations and lessons in life seem like… Why on earth would I need to go through this, it’s bullshit! But what’s happening is life is prepping you, teaching you something, and most times the lesson has nothing to do with the subject. Messed up right? Yeah, very. But true.

So back to the story. Last semester of chemical engineering and there’s one course, chemical engineering formulations. This class is so ridiculously hard that it takes 3 days to solve one equation and it starts off with only letters and the end result is one number. It’s mind-boggling. Hardest course I’ve ever taken. So what was the result? I ace the course with an A. In fact that was the only semester I ever got straight A’s. The last and hardest semester. So how does that work? All the bullshit of the last few years struggling, getting beat down, stressing, served to make me smarter, able to take on even the most difficult equations and solve them with relative ease. But there was no way I was gonna even have a fighting chance if I didn’t go through the most intense of struggle, what seemed like endless losing battles, only to conquer in the end.

OK, so what’s the point of all this? Well, I’ve been through enough shit in this life that I have stories to share, lessons to be learned. And I want to share them. So what I plan on doing to get my writing muscle going is to write every day. Now how do I get the time for that? Well, easy. I’m not going to write long-winded blogs like I normally do. I mean I still will when I have a story to tell (and I have a whole bunch saved up but can’t write them now as a certain someone is reading this). So instead, in going to a “Lesson of the Day” blog posted daily. Or at least as daily as possible lol. We’ll see how that turns out. Either way, it’ll be fun. It’ll be something I’ve learned that day, or something I’ve been pondering over some time and came to some realization. It’ll also serve to open my eyes to the lesson that the universe is teaching me that day or has been trying for some time without success.

There’s a really good line in a book called The 5th Mountain by Paulo Cohelo that goes something like (and I’m paraphrasing)… There are stages in life we must go through, lessons to be learned, and then on to the next stage. When we get stuck in one stage for too long, the universe has a way of shaking the shit out of our world and making sure that we leave that stage for the next. I believe those stages are endless. The only limiting factor for experiencing a massive amount of stages is our life capacity.

Which bring me to the lesson of the day. Life capacity.

I Beleive that the amount of life that’s allotted to us is in direct correlation to the purpose of our life. The more use there is for us, the longer our lifespan. So why do we die early? That life has so far served no purpose and is showing no signs of any purpose to be served in the future. After all, life/the world/the universe is all about efficiency. And it’s not efficient to support a life when it’s serving no purpose. That’s like the random guy on the couch. And yes I’ve had that. A friend of my roommates that was supposed to only stay for a week or so to get back on his feet. Well, that week or so ended up being 6 months. Not paying rent, not working, not even earning his keep and doing things around the house. In fact, all he did was smoke weed and make the house messier. Fuck he wouldn’t even clean up after himself. So the time came when he served no purpose. He was not contributing to the rent and wasn’t contributing to anything that would improve our living situation. So he had to go. And out he went. And in the same way, this plant and this life evicts us when we no longer serve a purpose that benefits the planet/the universe/mankind/animal kind….or whatever. Obv in not clear on the details, but a general observation. And I know this sounds a little controversial as there was some badass people living a super long life and some amazing people dying early. But I don’t think it has anything to do with how nice you are, nice is a story, it’s subjective. I think it’s factual, objective, without morals or beliefs. Only what’s best for the planet or mankind or the universe or…. Idunno.

So there you have it. Ok next one won’t be as long 😜

What have I learned today?

Posted: October 4, 2018 in Heart

Today I learned that life responds to you just as much as you respond to life. Take charge of the situation, and life will give you what you want. It’s all energy. Energy flows to where it feels like it’s in good hands. Like feminine energy, money or women, will flow to where they are safe and secure, knowing they are in good hands. So how did this happen for me today? I’ll explain.

So today was the last and final day of our 4-day high angle rope rescue training. What that? It’s the shit you see special forces doing in movies, repelling off the side of building and such. Not to that extent though cause a lot of what they are doing is dramatization and not really possible, but it gives you an idea. Most of the stuff we learned was about how to rescue victims that are injured and trapped either in confined spaces or on top of buildings or even on the side of industrial towers. So during the first three and a half days, I did what I normally do, hang back until I’m picked or if after no one speaks up, I’ll finally say I want to do it. Even though I wanted to do it in the first place. My rationale for this has always been: don’t be a hog and let others ahead of you. Me being all curious n shit. But the reality is that’s bullshit. I just don’t want to look bad. Then I get stuck with a job I don’t to do or nothing at all, just watching from the sidelines. And that makes me feel some type of way of course. Like I’m not good enough, or stupid… Basically a victim.

So how did I make the realization that life gives you exactly what you want if you take charge? Well at the very end of the training there’s a live scenario where you have to set up all the gear alone, no help from anyone, and then get graded on it with a pass or fail. Simple. So there are 4 scenarios. I’m really really good at one. Not so good at another. I, of course, wanted the one I’m good at but you can’t pick. The scenarios go into a hat and you pick. Whatever one you get, you get. So he asks, who wants to go first? That was my moment to shine. So instinctually I said… I DO!! Before my mind has had time to over analyze it and turn it into a bucket of fuck. Which one did I get?! Yupp you guess it! The one I wanted!

Might not seem like anything but coincidence, but in reality, there is no such thing. Everything happens for a reason. So that made me think. A lot! About all the things I’ve sat back from, not made the move, not put my hand up, not talked to that pretty girl, whatever it is. Why? Cause I made up a story and that story stopped me from doing it, thinking… Well if it was meant to be it’ll happen anyways. Well, that’s not really how it happens. Maybe the super big things in life are destiny, but most of our day to day stuff is all up to us. We either get what we want or get nothing at all.

So we make the move, and either we get it and it reinforces and encourages us to do more of that. Or we don’t, fail, and soon enough it’s forgotten about. The only thing that never leaves is when we don’t take the action. That creates doubt. And doubt is what kills the warrior, and never fear. Life will respond in kind even when we fail, cause it doesn’t look at the outcome, only what action we took or didn’t take, and rewards us accordingly. Level up or stay where you are.

If we can just learn to change the context of our view from… We want to win and if there’s a chance of losing we won’t do it. To… We are out in the world collecting “NO’s”. Learning how to deal with rejection and failure. To the point where we aren’t phased by “failure and rejection”, that’s when a whole world of possibilities opens up for us. Where we can accomplish any goal, get any girl, go anywhere we want to go. Will we still feel fear? Of course we will, that won’t ever go away. But we have effectively increased our courage so much that it crushes the fear when it comes up, unstoppable by whatever fear tells us.

So all that to say… Be the first, take that chance, do that thing you want, take that risk. I’m positive that you’ll get exactly what you want out of this life, and some!!

Till the next episode, good luck and good night!


Posted: September 29, 2018 in Heart

I wonder about failure sometimes. A lot actually. Why does it happen, why does it have to happen, why is it inevitable? But mostly I wonder about why is it that sometimes you try super hard and just keep getting shut down, and sometimes you don’t try at all and it all just lands in your lap. I’ve heard a million theories. The most relevant one seems to come back over and over, and that’s vibration. Whatever it was just wasn’t a vibrational match for you at that moment in time. And I get that, conceptually. But in practice it doesn’t translate.

Today I saw and Insta post about Jack Ma, co-founder of Alibaba and it made me think, and wonder about this very thing. He failed 3 times in college, applied to 30 jobs and got rejected, out of 24 he was the only one not to get hired at KFC, didn’t get accepted to be a cop, applied 10 times to Harvard and got denied. Today hes worth almost 30 billion dollars. So why? Why all the failure, why all the rejection? Was his vibration too high for the things he was trying to get? I mean Harvard, you’d think your vibration would have to be pretty high to get in there, right? So then what is it? And I see this over and over and over, in my life and in others lives around me.

What comes to mind is fate, destiny. There’s something out there that you need to get or somewhere you need to be that had you gotten that thing and got accepted to that place or dated that girl, you’d never have gotten there, it would have derailed you from where you needed to be. We always have the grandest plans, but we almost never get there. But yet we are always where we need to be, and most never where we want to be.

The easiest way I can explain this is through dating. 2 years ago I happen to meet this wonderful girl that came out of the blue. We’re no longer together, but the journey I have been on since then has been extraordinary. I met her out of the blue, totally not expecting to meet her at all. I was dating an amazing girl, in love with her actually, and this one comes along out of the blue. So I do what any man looking for the next best thing would do, I broke up with the one I was seeing and started dating the next one. What has come from that move has changed my life.

I did not expect to be in that position, at all, not even close. But that’s where I needed to be. From that relationship I ended up living on a tropical island, working with CEO’s of companies, meeting the most incredible people, and embarking on a self-exploratory journey of self development that has altered the course of my life. Although one relationship “failed”, the next one catapulted me to a much higher plane. The meteoric rise came crashing less than a year ago and I was left stunned, shocked. How could something so good come to such an end? From them I went back into the dating field, only to come up short over and over. Wondering, why is this not working out? Clearly I can do it, I’ve done it before. And then after rejection after rejection, I come across a beautiful girl that ends up showing me a whole new life, once again. I got the do some things on my bucket list that would never have happened had I stayed in that relationship. And let me tell you, she was a ffrreeaaakkkk!!! We had a lot of fun. Traveled, partied, had a great time. And then that ended. Only for me to find another one that made me realized that this was the one I had been waiting for this whole time. We had a short relationship and then I was over it. But from that I saw that sometimes the things we hold on to might not be the best thing for us to have, and that we do it mostly so that we don’t have to face whats out there, and whats out there sometimes looks lonely.

During my 2 year relationship I was a difference man, and I use the word MAN loosely. I was male, but not masculine. Somewhere along the way I had lost it. The breakup and consequent collapse of my self worth allowed me to see that there was a problem that needs to be addressed. Which led me to the Sterling Institute of Relationships. Justin Sterling taught me things I needed to learn that would have never happened had I just stayed in that relationship which I knew was not working but refused to leave it because of the fear of me not finding anyone as good. Meaning that my self worth was dependent on her and without her I am worth nothing. But she had to leave in order for me to see my own worth and work on my own self to become a better man, and masculine man that is not afraid of failure. After all, the more failure we encounter in our life the more we are able to deal with it. There is no such thing as being fearless, but there is such a thing as being courageous. And courage is what gets me through. We will encounter multiple failures in life, but the key is to have the courage to know that they are roadblocks for a reason, and everything happens for a reason, and its always in your favor. As long as you never give up and keep trying, the thing you need is out there waiting for you to smash through failure and failure, rejection after rejection until it shows up.

Which brings me back to relationships. The ones I get rejected by might get me down for a minute, but when I see it as destiny, it changes the context of how I see it. So I got denied by one, what if I hadn’t, what if it worked… where would I be? Would I be derailed from the one that I really am looking for? Would I have to settle for that one and miss out? So many of us do, and live a miserable life with someone that doesn’t light is up. And this story of life is a short one, so why not live it to its fullest, come what may? Fear. Fear that we might not do better, that we might end up failing and being alone, and the person we are looking for is not going to be out there. I think as long as we know what we want and keep going after it, then its inevitable that they will show up.

So many things in life seem to not work out, even when we have the best of intentions. Is it because we are failures? Or is it really because that is not what we are meant to have ? Have I had fun this summer?? Yes, Yes I have. I’ve had 3-somes, dated amazing women, had the best experiences, and had a blast along the way. Has any of them worked out? NO. But what has come of it? Experiences that I’ve always wanted to have and would never have had I just settled in a miserable relationship. Since the breakup I’ve traveled, I’ve dated, I’ve had the best wines, the best food, seen some amazing places, hung out with amazing friends, and started the road to one self-development company, and started working on my inventions…something I have been putting off my entire life. So could this be why? Well… theoretically…. had I settled down with the ex, my invention would never have gotten off the ground because I would have gone full force in to her business. I would have never had the experience of all those women. I would never have experienced all the experiences I had the pleasure of experiencing. And the list goes on and on. And most of all I would not be in a place where I needed to work on something I love and make my own way in life, independent of anyone else. So was it all worth it, well I guess only time will tell…. but I can tell you this. Since then, I’ve had the best sex of my life, gotten the best BJ’s of my life, had the best drinks I’ve ever tasted, met some of the most amazing people, and embarked on a journey that will no doubt lead me to where I’ve always wanted to be. And the story is not over yet.

All we get in this one is one day, 24 hours. Everything that happens in the world happens in 24 hours. So make it the best 24 hours of your life!!

The simple thing

Posted: September 20, 2018 in Heart

This simplest things in life are really the best. The love of a woman. Watching her sleep after eating her pussy so good she cums and falls asleep, holding her in your arms, feeling her warmth, having a smoke outside listening to the crickets sing their song, typing up a blog drunk off Spanish wine. It’s a beautiful life. Never take it for granted. Ever.

Life is so precious. We won the lottery just by being alive. Use every moment. Every single one. Live these moments like their your last. Cause what if there was no other. Would you be where you are???? I know I would. If these were my last moments in life I’d be perfectly content. The beauty of life. That’s the thing. It’s beautiful cause you never know. You never know. And if I knew, I’d still do what I’m doing right now. So grateful. So content. Thank you.


Posted: August 28, 2018 in Heart


What if you can manifest anything and everything you’ve ever wanted simply by writing down? What would your life look like?

I’ve been realizing so much in the last few months. A LOT has happened since the last time I posted anything. So why haven’t I posted anything about this? Seems like the perfect time, no? Well yes, it is. But when so much is going on, the last thing on my mind is to sit in the quietness of life and bare my soul to the world. So I don’t. So over the next little while, I’ll be recapping old stories from the last few months with you. And there are some AMAZING ones! For now, it’s just gonna be this realization to kick things back off and get me back in the routine.

So here’s what happened. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about manifestations and manifesting whatever I want in life. This started with a chat with my old dear friend and semi-part-time life coach who is always game to give me some amazing coaching, all free of charge obviously cause she’s an incredible human being.

So I call her after not talking for months, she tells me she’s been on this incredible journey through life, so much has changed, yadda yadda… Then she tells me about a 10-day silent retreat she went on. Something I’ve been told over and over by multiple people to do. Deep in the woods is a resort where you go 10 days no talking, and just reflect. So she did this. And for the 10 days, she just thought about what she wanted. Thought about it, felt it, put herself in the middle of it, and let it be as if it was actual reality. What/how would you feel if you got the thing you wanted? So feel it. Think about it. Focus on it. Believe it. And believe that whatever you manifest will happen, only if you want it to. And this is much different than thoughts you have that you don’t believe or want to happen. That’s a whole other post. So what happened you ask. What did she want to manifest? She wanted to manifest a baby and to be back in school for psychology. So ok both those things are possible, just have to do them right? Well the school thing, ok, sign up and your good. But the baby. She on birth control. He wears condoms and pulls out. And she isn’t ready to bring it up with him that she wants a baby, at this point it’s still just a dream. So she gets done the 10-day retreat. Nothing changes. Still on birth control. He still wears a condom and still pulls out. Well, 2 weeks go by and she misses her period. Few weeks go by now, and she does the test. Can you guess what happened?! Yupp, prego!!

So after this convo, I start to think… Hhmmm…. If this girl can manifest a life (among other things she thought about and they happened) then why the hell don’t I start doing it. Feel and think how I’d be feeling and thinking if I had the thing I wanted. So I started. The first question was…. What the fuck do I want?! So I thought, I want to feel the feeling I felt when I met Christie, my ex. We met on IG, and from the first message, we talked for 3-4 hours a day, stupid smirky smile on my face all day, feeling crazy enamoured with her. So I started thinking and feeling it. As many times as I’d Remebered, every day I’d remember. So what happens? A few days later, it happens. I meet Laura. It was like déjà vu! But this was even better! Way better. I’m blown away. This story is one that needs it’s own post cause clearly I didn’t specify what I wanted in detail lol so the universe gave me what I wanted but not the other details that I needed. You’ll see what I mean when I write about that story.

So what has me come back and start writing again? Well, today. Ok actually, I’ll start with yesterday. Last night I’m driving back to town, flying on the highway, it’s around midnight, my phone starts ringing, it’s my tribe partner. Yes, that’s another post in itself, lol so much has happened! So he calls me lighting me up over breaking my word, not having integrity, etc, he’s pretty mad about it at this point. So I stay unemotional, answer factually. Yes, my voice does raise a bit, but def not upset. So long story short, we agree that we’re going to have a call to discuss everything the next day for the mandatory minimum of 30 min at the end of the day the next day. And if there’s time, a quick 5min call in the day. We both work so we’re gonna try to make it happen. So to not fuck it up and have him light me up again and me be out of integrity, I write it all down in my calendar. So I want to remind myself to call him the next day, so I put it in my calendar to call him the next day. What time did I put it in for?? I figured 11 am would be a good time to remind myself to set up a call with him via text and we figure out a good time.

So today, I remembered at 9, so I msg. “Lemme know if your free today for 5min”? He replies with “I would say 5 mins around 11 sharp”? This was my face when I read that msg….. 😳….. Right?! I go to the calendar and look, Yupp!! I put it in for 11!! What the fuck?! Of the 12 hours we could have picked, we both picked 11?!

Coincidence?? See here’s the thing. There’s no such thing as a coincidence, everything happens for a reason, and it’s always in your favour. Believe that and your outlook on the world will change.

So the question again is…. If you could manifest everything you wrote down in your calendar, what would you manifest??

Now get the fuck out there and manifest everything you want!

The difference between a stallion and a mule, In real life.

The mule is reliable, carries massive amounts of weight on his back, dependable, loyal, will die instead of giving up, and is as behaved as can be. The biggest thing tho is that he knows his places and acts accordingly. The stallion on the other hand… Well… It’s his world and he’ll do whatever the fuck he wants. He shits where he wants, wrecks shit, fucks whoever he wants, is arrogant, it’s his land and everything is his to do whatever he wants with, even if he’s tied up. If he doesn’t want you to touch him, he’ll make it known instantly, doesn’t fuck around and under no circumstance will he let you fuck with him if it’s not invited. He has total disregard for anything or anyone around him except for himself.

Start with yourself first… Then focus on others. If you don’t get yourself, you won’t get others, you’ll be too confused and end up nowhere. This comes from Jessy teaching me how to speak Spanish, me asking… How do you say she is? Focus on yourself. Start with you.

I really really like problems. I love you fix them. No matter what they are. Sometimes I think problems follow me cause I create them. I thrive on fixing the problem. I get so amped up when there’s a problem I need to fix. First responder. I always bring a flashlight, first aid kit, everything in case something goes wrong so I can jump in, be a hero, fix that problem, find a solution. Hero complex.

Women are like horses. They sense fear, they sense if your a good rider. They sense if you know how to handle them. A feminine energy. Will be at ease with someone who isn’t afraid to take the reigns. Once mounted, they will allow you to direct them. They are the powerful force that will only allow someone equally as powerful, if not more, to ride them, direct them, instruct them. If you are afraid, they will sense your energy. They will not allow you to be on. They will buck you off. Or if your unsure, they will take off on you, do whatever they have to do to rid themselves of you. But if your sure of yourself and your ability they will allow you to do pretty much whatever with them. I witnessed this on the farm. Julia’s brother, a beast of a man. Gets on the horse bareback. Grabs his hair, the reigns, and kicks him. Slaps the side of his neck and takes off. Makes him do circles to the right. Rear up, circles to the left. Fast, slow, dance, whatever the fuck he wanted, this horse did. No question. Unafraid to allow him to have total dominance and control. Unafraid he will injure the horse. The horse knew that the rider knew what’s best and allowed his direction, unequivocally. Without hesitation. He ravished the horse and the horse allowed it totally, and powerfully. It was a thing of beauty. He knew what he wanted and he told the horse what to do and the horse did it. That’s it.

Where do I even begin this?!

So I’m sure reading this blog you know very well what my intentions are here. To vent about anything and everything, and to share some knowledge and insights I’ve picked up along the way. After all, what the point of learning and growing if you never get to share them with anyone?!

So this story starts out last week on Wednesday. The ex and I have to communicate still because of a seminar we signed up for together when we were still dating and we broke up almost a month into it leaving about 7 more sessions left before the end. This last one was #9.

I message her Wednesday to find out if she still wants a ride and, the previous seminar we agreed we would go to this lounge after the next seminar. So I message, she asks if I still want to go, I said yes but suggested we grab food before instead of after since it’s our custom to do so. She responded all weird and wanted to talk on the phone. She calls and proceeds to light me, accusing me of wanting to get back together and I’m trying to take her out on a date and why am I still having out with her sisters and family and friends. I basically tell her to fuck off, she can’t dictate to me what I can’t and can’t do, that privilege was lost when she broke up with me. So we get into it. I’m confused but it’s resolved by the end of the call.

Thursday comes along, I pick her up, she’s being standoffish and weird. Not a lot of words are said. We start driving and I start into it, about the fact that we completed the relationship and we created a friendship that was good for the both of us, and she veered off from that and I’m still committed to what we created. We also agreed that if anything changes for either of us that we would recreate it. So her thing now is that her heart still has feelings and can’t move on but her mind is telling her to move on. Her feminine and masculine are basically fighting each other. So I suggest that we create us having no more communication period so that she can move on. Well, she loses it on me for that too, why am I being so extreme?! I’m even more confused now. So I’m like, fine then you tell me what you want to create and we’ll do it. She’s like, just do nothing!! Leave it the way it is, there no problem to solve and nothing to recreate. So I did. And for the rest of the ride there, I didn’t speak much, she did though. The seminar was the same, I was quiet and she talked. By the end, she was lit up and wanted to leave early so we go to the lounge and have fun. I guess me leaving her alone gave her energy and she felt great. Well, the night was amazing! We had the best time, I was like… Omg, I get my friend back!! She reminded me of all the amazing times we had and despite all the crap I went through, this was the reason I stayed with her. When she’s happy, she’s the best person to be around. So we went back to her place, slept in the same bed, woke up and I dropped her off at work. We were like besties again. I loved it!

So the next day came, the texts flew back and forth, jokes, pics, friendship renewed! Amazing right? Well, now it’s Friday. Saturday goes by. Sunday goes by. So now it’s Monday. Her sister is back from Belize and is bringing me something super delicious in liquid format 😉. And since I haven’t seen her in ssssooooo long, worked out great that I popped by, grabbed my stuff, and hung out. So I do that. We hang at the house for a bit, I take her out to lunch as a thank you for bringing the stuff over. We hit up a super nice spot in town, one not the ex’s fave places, mine as well. So of course, she snaps a couple pics for the IG story. Not even thinking about it, she posts. And within minutes her phone is blowing up. She’s ppiisseedddd!!! Her other sister, who I also Rep Zija with, messages me being like…. Oh, sheeesss mmmmaadddd!!!! And why? Cause I’m hanging out with them. Like I told her, you can choose to leave the relationship but you can’t dictate to me what I can/can’t do. Just cause we broke up, doesn’t mean I have to break up with this whole life I have going on there now. You can leave, doesn’t mean I’m gonna leave too.

So we wrap it up, her sister has to meet the ex at 5 at her work. So I tell her I’ll drop her off but outside on the street. I’m not walking into a battle zone. So we’re almost at her work and who’s walking down the road and sees us?! Yupp!! And SHE’S PPIIISSEEDDD!!!! Red, angry, just livid. Her sister sees this, panics, opens the door and pretty much rolls out of the car while it’s moving. It was insane! The back story is that the ex is the bully of the fam and used the beat the fuck out of her growing up, so she’s a little traumatized. So when the ex is mad, everyone knows what happens!! So anyway, she rolls out of the car, I proceed to speed up, but she is watching this go down, as soon as I get close, she yells….. PULLL OOVVEERR I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!!! 😤😤😤 So I do.

She gets in the car, slams the door, puts the windows up, starts going off on me. Basically, she said that after we spoke about this on Thursday and in told her that it’s her issue and she has to learn to deal with it, that in the past 2 hours she realized that she can’t. So gives me the ultimatum of, if I want to continue to hang out with her fam then her and I can no longer be friends. So I reply with “OK, got it. Anything else?” she replies with “NO” I reply with, “OK bye”. She leaves.

So I do what every man would do at this point…. I drive to her parents’ house to say bye lol. Ok not a good way to quiet a situation, but wtf, it’s already lit up, might as well pour more fuel on it, right?! So I go there, say bye, they invite me in. They know what’s up cause she’s called the house twice already losing it that they are inviting me over all the time. So we have this crazy heart to heart. So I tell them that I’m not sure what to do. I’ve asked both sisters and said: “don’t you fucking listen to her, she can’t tell you what to do!” So after telling them what’s been going on, I ask them what they think I should do. After all, I’m still a decent guy, I don’t want to cause this huge rift in the family. Her dad responds with….” well we’re just gonna have to keep this on the DL then” lmao. For her mom to say that would be normal, she’s alienated her whole fam and almost broke up her parents’ marriage multiple times and HATES her mother. So if her mom said it, I could see why. But she’s daddy’s girl and he would do anything for her. So for him to say that was like… WWHHHAAAA!!! So we agree to not post anything on social media about me being there or if ever we’re together. At the end of the day, people will always do what they want to do. You can either make it so they tell you what’s going on, or they will do it behind your back. It’s really that simple. The one thing she will never learn is that you have no control over the external world, only the internal. And her control freak nature has her trying to control and manipulate everything around her. Life around us is like sand, hold on to it too tight and it’ll slip right through our fingers. Open up your too much and it all falls out. It’s all about the cradle effect.

So a week goes by, and it’s Easter weekend. Her fam comes down to visit her grandma that lives close to me. So, of course, I get the invite to come by and spend the weekend, even sleep over. I tell them I’ll be there but I’ll sleep at my own place. So we hung out for 3 days. Every night at the end of the famjam, her sister and I would go hang out, hit the gym, have some drinks and have the most incredible conversations. Ssssooooo much came out. All the things I had no idea were the way they were. The entire time she would tell me that I’m crazy for staying in the relationship for that long, they all thought I would have left so long ago and all stunned as to how I was able to stand her for this long. I mean really the answer is easy. Love. It makes us do the most insane things. But after hearing all the talk from her entire fam, I couldn’t have been surer that I was brainwashed by love and gave up my soul to be with this girl. A heavy price to pay for such a cheap product. The fact is that I did what most haven’t been able to. I gave her exactly what she has been asking for her whole life since she was 8. And when she got it, she decides it’s not what she wants anymore. At least not yet. Figuring that I’m so hooked that she can go fuck around for a couple more years and when she’s got that out of her system she can come back and I’d take her back. Hell, she probably still thinks that right now. But the reality is this, opportunities don’t pass by like clouds. You have a chance to snatch it up as it going by, but if you let it go expecting it to be there ‘when your ready’ or wait ’till your ready’, your gonna have one helluva rude awakening when you’re finally ready to act on it.

So there we are sitting around the kitchen table talking up a storm and Grandma (not my grandma but her grandma which I’ve essentially taken as my own grandma now lol) asks when we’re all gonna go on vacation together?! So after all was said and done, we decide we’re all going to Cuba!! The whole fam, we’ll minus the ex of course lol. It’s crazy that she’s that much of a menace that her whole fam would trade me for her. Hell her own mother was like, “we’d trade your for her any day” lol. Kinda mean, yes. But I mean the truth is the truth, fuck the haters. The fact that I put up with her shit for so FUCKIN LONG is unbelievable. The old saying holds true. For every super hot girl you see, there’s at least 1 person in the world that hates her guts.

So now we’re planning this trip and we’re all on edge. Me especially. This girl still had the ability to strike fear into my heart lol. We all have no idea what to tell her. She’s asking everyone if I’m going and we’re all dancing around it. She everyone nominates grandma to talk to her about it. She so gangster. She’s had many talks with me about this. Telling me, I can’t let this girl control me or what I do. They want me to be in that fam and still come see them and they are all like, “don’t let her tell you what to do, she doesn’t control you!!

So she messages her, tells her, and even then still dances around it. But the picture is clear, or so it seems. So over the next few days, I set it all up, find the best resorts, best prices. Take care of them all. And the ex is still asking. And no one will give her a straight answer, everyone dances around it. I could be a pick and make it obvious, blast it on social media for her to see, but no. Not my style. I’m not gonna throw this in her face, not my style. So instead I’m going to go off the grid for the time being. Media blackout. So no posting anything while I’m on the way, while I’m there, or when I’m back. It’ll have to be all Throwback Thursday posts from now on lol.

Her grandma is so funny and so gangster. She makes me promise her that I will never leave no matter what the ex does. And I don’t see how I gsm now, I’m running a business with her sister, who also is a big advocate for me not ever letting her control me. But if your a man reading this and you’ve been in a situation where you fell in love with a girl so deeply, so madly that it consumed you so much that you would have done anything, even give up your own life for them…. Then you’d know what I’m talking about. It becomes a sort of a Stockholm syndrome situation. So consumed with everything about them that it totally takes over, and the man that once mighty became a puppet at the whim of a little girl. It’s a dangerous place to be.

So the tickets are booked, her 2 sisters, mom, grandma, and aunt. Me and 5 ladies lol. The story of my life lol. But as far as the relationship with the ex is concerned, that ship has sailed, in fact, that ship has sunk to the bottom of the ocean never to be seen again. And the healing begins. No contract whatsoever. It’s really the best way to go about it. Our very last seminar together, which is this Thursday was supposed to be the finale. But things have been cut short. I will not be attending, she will be getting there and back on her own. The first experience of me not being there when I said I would. Her life now does not take importance over mine. She made her bed and has to lie in it. For now, my #1 goal is to recover the masculine energy that was lost along the way. Get back to focusing on me, what I like, what I want, and what I want to be in this life. Everyone in her life essentially begged her to reconsider, knowing her and knowing what I bring to her life. But she refused and wants to go at it alone, to find her passion, to discover herself. The sad part is, she’s not going to like what she actually discovers when she reaches her stated destination. And that, is no longer my concern.

I would never have imagined it to be like this. Not even close! This trip has really been one helluvan amazing experience. And not even over yet.

Last night we stayed at my uncles wife’s mother’s “house” in this little tiny farming village consisting of literally 10 houses surrounded by farms, sugarcane plantation, and lots and lots of animals. Horses, goats, sheep, chickens and roosters running around as wild and as free as animals can be. They even ride the horses with no saddle, bareback and wild. As life is here. The “house” was a big room devided by curtains, 3 rooms, 1 bathroom. Bathroom was a toilet with no toilet seat, and that’s it. No running water, no shower, nothing. Buckets full of well water that is pumped in 2 hours a day, when they fill their barrels outside. Fill the buckets, which they then use for everything from washing themselves to “flushing” the toilet. It’s not easy I tell you. Not for me at least. I’m used to my 3 showerheads, temperature/pressure controlled shower that has hot water for days! This was an eye opener. BIG TIME!!

The days here are long! Yesterday seems like a week ago and time passes by ssssooooo slowly. But the company is always amazing! I can’t even begin to speak about the hospitality. Even though I couldn’t speak a work of Spanish when I first arrived, her mother opened up her home to me like I was one of her own. Called me fam the first day there. And that was just the beginning. The food she made was to die for, and not in the way people speak when they talk about Cuban food. At the resort I was so sick. Here, my stomach felt amazing, I felt amazing! The coffee and was never ending, and it’s quite possibly the best coffee in the world! The rum was on standby from morning till night. And don’t even get me started about the smoking. Everyone here smokes, so what the hell. When in Cuba, do as the Cubans do! So I went all out.

Her brothers, uncles, aunts, cousins, everyone was there. And they spared no expense for me. Her brother knew I wanted to see the horses so he brought his horse King for me to ride. He rides bareback but knew as a newb I’d need a saddle. So he saddled him up and off I went! Oh and everywhere he went his little baby sheep Bebe followed him. The most adorable thing I’ve ever seen and loyal as a dog. Follows him around, ever step of the way. When he went too far she would call out to him, try to follow his scent. Simply amazing!!

There’s not much to do out there, it’s pretty remote. So again, time passes by ssssooooo slow. Sitting on the porch, drinking, smoking, talking, laughing. Drinking coffee, eating, bonding. They ended up going for a bit and leaving me there alone. Took the time to reflect. And the feelings came flooding. Not bad feelings, but ones of gratefulness and appreciation. My “problems” in life seemed ssssooooo small now. They just didn’t matter anymore. These people have almost nothing and yet they are as happy as can be. I can’t even fathom this. Her brother loves his horse, his sheep, and his birds. He is truly living out his mission in life. They all are! Her aunt cooks for 67 people a day, makes 1 US dollar every 4 days, and you’d never hear her complaining about her situation. Always laughing, always happy. They make the very most of what they have and are grateful for it, as hard working as ever. Their bond with each other is as strong I’ve ever seen in a family, it’s hard to even describe.

So we sat, we laughed, we joked, we drank, we smoked, and we ate. And best of all, we bonded. It was one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had the privilege and honour to experience. Just the day before I was so upset that my one IG video didn’t post and now I’m laughing at myself thinking about how ridiculous that sounds! #firstworldproblems for real!!

So I get to bed, the makeshift fan turned on, I’m reading as I usually do. Finally pass out, to wake up to something dropping on my head. I freak out obviously. Get up to see a baby frog on my pillow. I shoo him away and get back to sleep. Not an hour later he hops on my head AGAIN!! I wake up panicked, launching him against the wall. Ok, no problem. Again I sleep. And AGAIN he jumps on my head! Now I can’t sleep. I get up, go for a smoke, cause now the nicotine is firmly implanted in me. Come back and try again. 430am on the dot the roosters start going. ALL OF THEM!!! OH DIOS!! finally get back to sleep to be woken up at the end of a crazy intensely vivid dream that no doubt had omens of my ex. Now I’m up. Wake up to the smell of coffee. What a glorious smell that is to get up to. So out I go for the first puff and coffee of the day. Glorious!! Breakfast is served with fresh cows milk that flowed out of a cows udder hours prior. Except here they put salt in the milk? Definitely NOT what I was expecting. But ok, what the hell. Now it’s time to “shower” lol

Before I knew it, it was lunch. Now to set this up, just after breakfast I noticed a sack outside on the ground. I walked up to it and it started going crazy! I ask what’s in it and I’m told it’s a chicken. So ok, that’s different lol. Now fast forward to lunch. Yupp, you guesses it! We’re having chicken!!! I’m blown away at this point! Life really doesn’t get much fresher than that!

We get packed up, car loaded, and we’re almost ready to go. But not before saying our goodbyes. Well that took an hour! The jokes were never ending, as was the love. Waved goodbye and we drove off. Off the next place, her grandmothers. But I’ll have to save that for tomorrow!

So we’ve arrived. This is much much better, but not my much lol. Greeted with the same love and affection that’s given to family. We arrive and everyone is there for the fanfare. All the neighbours, relatives, dogs, cats, horses, chickens lol. And within minutes the coffee is made and the rum is poured. Every uncle, cousin, friend is now on the porch drinking, laughing, smoking. What amazing people. Much of the day is spent this way. The ladies are inside making dinner, laughing, talking a million miles a minute. So much love poured on everything and everyone. It’s such a beautiful thing!

We drink our coffee, rum, and smoke a bunch. Such a chill and happy lifestyle. The biggest take away from this whole experience is that the North American lifestyle, and much of the developed world, is the chase of money. And we’ve really been chasing the wrong thing! Money is the reason wars are started, children are starving, villages are burnt and enslaved. The love and chase of money is what’s driving us further and further apart, causing all sorts of mental illness! They have nothing, barely a roof over their head and their families are super close, they’re super happy, and they literally live each day as if it’s their last!

Day turns to night, the power goes off, bonfires are started along the streets, and we slowly wind down the already slow day until it screeches to a halt! Bed time. Her grandmother literally gives up her bed to me, they give us their place and everyone goes and sleeps at the neighbours. The most amazing hospitality. Well not before they make us an amazing dinner of rice and beans and chicken! And of course not forgetting the sweet wine! Which btw was…. Not the best lol. Imagine old box wine mixed with lots of sugar lol

The beds are prepared and we’re ready for sleep now. I walk in to see that a net was setup over the bed I’m sleeping in, another thing I’ve never experienced but I’m sure glad it’s there! Tonight I can sleep and not worry about frogs jumping on my face at night!

Well it’s morning now and I didn’t sleep a wink. The bed was uncomfortable, blankets are non existant, and the noise at night will keep anyone up. 4am and the 10 hunting dogs next door start howling. 430am and the roosters starts going off, ALL OF THEM! And the sun comes up and lights up the room. Frustrated, exhausted, I get up. The only thing that makes this better is the smell of fresh Cuban coffee ready for me to consume! And it’s much needed today! We walk around the property, checkout all the fruit trees, pet the horse, and get ready for the day ahead.

Off to Camaguay!

We arrive! It’s charming as hell. Something out of old Europe. This entire country is like stepping in a time machine and going back about 60 years! Untouched for that long, and it has hella charm!

I took way too many pics to post, but even this small city has a lot to offer. Statues, street side cafes, lots of little shops, amazing food (the pizza is a must have!) And the place we are staying in is amazing compared to what I just experienced! It has A/C, running water, a shower with heated water, and lots of blankets!! This is luxury! LOL.

We spend the day walking around downtown, have lunch, drink coffee at a street side cafe, and the nights doing much of the same. Very charming! One of the only places where tourists are super safe to go anywhere they want, day or night!

I have to take back a souvenir of course. This 15 year old was on sale for $60 pesos. A steal! Well for me. Turns out, this is the salary that supports an entire family for 4 months!!! Mind blowing!!

Slept like the dead!! Got up, showered, dressed, and off to the airport. But not before going for one last walk and checking out this sweet sweet Lada cop car!!

Well, that’s it. It’s been one helluva trip! If one word can describe this entire journey, it’s HUMBLING! So many realizations, so much introspection, so much reflection. So many breakdowns and breakthroughs. Its been such an amazing experience, recommended for everyone in the developed world. See what the other half lives like and what they deal with on a daily basis. We can’t control the external world, the only thing we have any control over is how we feel about it. We can let our circumstances break us, or we can strap them on like wing and have them make us! Change your context and the world around you changes!