Archive for the ‘Heart’ Category

What a feeling… There’s nothing like it!

Is it weird that the feeling of being heartbroken lights me up?? Yeah maybe. But there’s not I do that’s surprising. If it’s fkd up, strange, absurd, or just Plain fucked up…. I’ll be doing it. And this time it’s getting my heart broken.

What the fuck am I talking about??

17 days in Costa Rica has left me heart broken. At least 2 good solid times. Once when I met “Beirut girl” and the other a few hours ago, and still in action actuality, with “south Dakota”.

Walking through the departures doors at SJO and I’m behind the most gorgeous girl I’ve seen in, well a long long time. Don’t think anything of it as we’re boarding 2 diff airlines. And I’ve gotten myself into a mess with girls, so I leave it alone. Also, I thought a saw a ring on the finger and was like “obv this girl’s engaged, no way she’s single”.

I check my bag, walk back only to find her walking out of his checked bag area. We walk to security. I asked if she’s getting in line. She says she’s priority… Well guess what, so am I!! OK so normally I would never pay extra other than to have 1st class but this time for some reason I only buy the priority boarding, never done that before either. Then she shows up.

So we go into the priority line, talk the whole time, decided to hang till I have to leave, shop for trinkets for her niece, then head to the bar for some drinks. Learn all about her life. Clearly I was more interested in her than she was with me, and I’m no sucker to miss that. But I still fall for this girl.

Smart, hustler, likes the sames things I do, going places, entrepreneur, gorgeous fit, I mean what more can you ask for?! Aannddd she’s a country girl!! Always wanted to marry a country girl. Idunno. The movies lol.

My flight is almost gone and I’m delaying boarding, almost decided to change my flight just to hang for a couple more hours. But I didn’t. So off I went. Gave her a hug and I said I’d see her soon. And rode off into the sunset. Left my heart in her Louie bag lol

Not just a princess but a country princess. Rare. The rarest actually.

Will I do anything about it?? Yeah I’m sure as fuck gonna try. I mean how far is south Dakota anyways, can’t be that hard. Now she broke up with a billionaire cause she wasn’t in love with him, so what chance do I have?? Uummmm hello it’s me, so all the chance in the world oobbvvv!!! Homie don’t need a billion dollars!!

So yeah, back to what I was saying before, the feeling of your heart being broken. It’s the worst and get the best most alive feeling one can feel! The hope, the possibility, the madness… All of it!! It’s simply incredible!!

Chase it… You never know, your Trinity could be an airport away!

It’s a sad world. Give them what they want and they go away.

So here’s something I realized tonight. So I’m getting shitfaced on Costa Rican Guaro, right. Sitting on the balcony of one of the most beautiful places on earth and this realization comes to me. Well it comes after much trouble, shit ain’t free after all.

So 4 days ago I invite a girl down to Costa Rica. Im spending a few weeks here x finding myself n all that. And we msg and she tells me she has a few days off. So I say… Hhhayyyyy come down!! So surprisingly she does. I think it’s gonna be the best time ever. Soon enough I discover we are such diff people and we actually don’t get along at all. Just goes to show, don’t really know someone till you spend days and days with them.

So after a few days of having the sickest adventures we end up in this hotel 4oom overlooking the ocean and the rainforest jungle. Super sick. Hotel Costa Verde. If you get a chance, come here!! She’s been after me for dick for some time and I won’t give it up. She keeps trying. It’s cute actually but kinda annoying. Crazy part is I’ve been so brutally honest I wonder how she hasn’t booked a ticket and left already. Anyways….

So after a long day of me being disappointed and telling her that she’s fkd, some central American raccoons happen on our balcony. Cutest things in the world!! They are so balsy!! so me being me I start feeding them. And one turns into 2 and before you know it, there’s 2 coons that won’t leave!! I feed and feed and feed them till they’re so full. And then income our to call them and they’re no where to be found.

At the same time, I go inside, wasted, and I can’t help myself so I start fooling around with her. don’t fuck her but finger her till she cums. I come out and the coons are gone. And now she’s nowhere to be found either.

The point?? Withhold what they want and they keep coming back trying to get it. Give it to them and they abandon you. Basic animal instinct! They will try everything and do and say anything to get what they want… give it to them and they leave.

Girls or raccoons… they always leave when they get what they want. withhold what they want and they will keep trying to get it! IT’S a fucked up savage world but to play it right, gotta hold on to what they want. They will keep trying to get it. Give it to them and they’re gone!!

Good luck!!!

LOTD: Options

Posted: November 25, 2018 in Heart

The only options are fear or mastery.

The way you react to your woman is the way you react to the world. When life hits hard, goes crazy, gets chaotic, what do you do?

Whatever you do with your woman is what you do with the world around you. Both your woman and the world will wreck you so bad you don’t wanna get up. How you react when your woman goes “insane” is how you react when the world around you goes insane.

You can choose to back down, or pick smaller challenges, or wait for the storm to calm down. Or you can take the moment as a challenge to conquer the world, and your woman! Be full, be strong, be present. Learn to enjoy her anger, her tears, her hardness. The world will give you the same. Have no attachment to the outcome. The world, and your woman’s emotions will rise and fall.

You only have 2 options. Fear, or mastery. Choose mastery!!

“you have mastered your woman, and the world when no desire either to avoid or attain sways your loving or limits your freedom”

Wow what a shit show

Posted: November 24, 2018 in Heart

So I’m drunk. Sitting in the most beautiful place I can think of this year. And I’m so not feeling it. So much has happened in the last week. But I’ll start off with what just happened. So I stupidly decide to go on an all-inclusive vaca with my ex. Yes it was short. We’re like best friends now. But still my ex. And I’m seeing this new girl who’s in love with me. Well used to be until tonight at least. I let it slip that on here with my ex. I must have not told her, I do remember I said I’m here with a friend. But I got wasted and said it. She got so mad she deleted me off insta and it’s over. And I’m sitting here heart broken over this. Stupid I know. But I did it. It happened. And now she’s gone. All my plans and all my futures and it’s all gone. How I feel? Heartbroken. Shattered. I asked for her to understand but she won’t. And it’s done. I make mistakes, stupid ones I get it. But I’m human. I’m sad. Relaizeing what I did. Nothing happened between the ex and I, slept in diff rooms. The whole nine. Never did anything.. Nore will I ever. But I get how it looks. Bad. Fuck.

This last 2 weeks have been insane. I gave my best friend chlamydia, had the craziest 3some, met a whole bunch of girls, hired a personal assistant that I like and went on dates with. I dunno wtf I’m doing. Also met an amazing girl that I could have had future with but I fucked it up by going on vaca with my ex. Idunno. Fuck. I’m drunk, yes. Things don’t make sense right now. I can’t believe how dumb I am sometimes. But I’m not normal. Just not. Sometimes I wanna be normal. Sometimes I’m I’m glad I’m not. Just gets all fucked up in the mix of life. Yet here I am. The ex is out doing shit. I’m in the patio overlooking beauty. And yet here I am. Heartbroken, distraught, unhappy. What do I do? Get more drunk? Go to sleep? Go out? Idunno. What can I do. On top of all that I thought I saw my ex who I’m not totally over yet. And it broke me. Fuck. Fuck. Whatever.

Look, whoever is reading this I’m sorry for being such a lush. Pouring out my dumb feelings on the world. I just don’t know what else to do. Let it out I guess. Let it out in black and white to the world to see that I’m only human and I fuck up all the time. But what do I want? Love. Epic love. And I can’t seem to find it cause I keep fucking it up… Making stupid mistakes. Fuck.

Oh well whatever. Everything happens for a reason. No such thing as a coincidence. And it always happens in your favor.. Maybe it was to teach me not to do shit like that. But I had these plans before I met her. But whatever. A

To my people in the world. Thank you for reading my drunken rants. I love you all with all my heart. ❤️

What have I learned today?

Posted: October 4, 2018 in Heart

Today I learned that life responds to you just as much as you respond to life. Take charge of the situation, and life will give you what you want. It’s all energy. Energy flows to where it feels like it’s in good hands. Like feminine energy, money or women, will flow to where they are safe and secure, knowing they are in good hands. So how did this happen for me today? I’ll explain.

So today was the last and final day of our 4-day high angle rope rescue training. What that? It’s the shit you see special forces doing in movies, repelling off the side of building and such. Not to that extent though cause a lot of what they are doing is dramatization and not really possible, but it gives you an idea. Most of the stuff we learned was about how to rescue victims that are injured and trapped either in confined spaces or on top of buildings or even on the side of industrial towers. So during the first three and a half days, I did what I normally do, hang back until I’m picked or if after no one speaks up, I’ll finally say I want to do it. Even though I wanted to do it in the first place. My rationale for this has always been: don’t be a hog and let others ahead of you. Me being all curious n shit. But the reality is that’s bullshit. I just don’t want to look bad. Then I get stuck with a job I don’t to do or nothing at all, just watching from the sidelines. And that makes me feel some type of way of course. Like I’m not good enough, or stupid… Basically a victim.

So how did I make the realization that life gives you exactly what you want if you take charge? Well at the very end of the training there’s a live scenario where you have to set up all the gear alone, no help from anyone, and then get graded on it with a pass or fail. Simple. So there are 4 scenarios. I’m really really good at one. Not so good at another. I, of course, wanted the one I’m good at but you can’t pick. The scenarios go into a hat and you pick. Whatever one you get, you get. So he asks, who wants to go first? That was my moment to shine. So instinctually I said… I DO!! Before my mind has had time to over analyze it and turn it into a bucket of fuck. Which one did I get?! Yupp you guess it! The one I wanted!

Might not seem like anything but coincidence, but in reality, there is no such thing. Everything happens for a reason. So that made me think. A lot! About all the things I’ve sat back from, not made the move, not put my hand up, not talked to that pretty girl, whatever it is. Why? Cause I made up a story and that story stopped me from doing it, thinking… Well if it was meant to be it’ll happen anyways. Well, that’s not really how it happens. Maybe the super big things in life are destiny, but most of our day to day stuff is all up to us. We either get what we want or get nothing at all.

So we make the move, and either we get it and it reinforces and encourages us to do more of that. Or we don’t, fail, and soon enough it’s forgotten about. The only thing that never leaves is when we don’t take the action. That creates doubt. And doubt is what kills the warrior, and never fear. Life will respond in kind even when we fail, cause it doesn’t look at the outcome, only what action we took or didn’t take, and rewards us accordingly. Level up or stay where you are.

If we can just learn to change the context of our view from… We want to win and if there’s a chance of losing we won’t do it. To… We are out in the world collecting “NO’s”. Learning how to deal with rejection and failure. To the point where we aren’t phased by “failure and rejection”, that’s when a whole world of possibilities opens up for us. Where we can accomplish any goal, get any girl, go anywhere we want to go. Will we still feel fear? Of course we will, that won’t ever go away. But we have effectively increased our courage so much that it crushes the fear when it comes up, unstoppable by whatever fear tells us.

So all that to say… Be the first, take that chance, do that thing you want, take that risk. I’m positive that you’ll get exactly what you want out of this life, and some!!

Till the next episode, good luck and good night!

Failure

Posted: September 29, 2018 in Heart

I wonder about failure sometimes. A lot actually. Why does it happen, why does it have to happen, why is it inevitable? But mostly I wonder about why is it that sometimes you try super hard and just keep getting shut down, and sometimes you don’t try at all and it all just lands in your lap. I’ve heard a million theories. The most relevant one seems to come back over and over, and that’s vibration. Whatever it was just wasn’t a vibrational match for you at that moment in time. And I get that, conceptually. But in practice it doesn’t translate.

Today I saw and Insta post about Jack Ma, co-founder of Alibaba and it made me think, and wonder about this very thing. He failed 3 times in college, applied to 30 jobs and got rejected, out of 24 he was the only one not to get hired at KFC, didn’t get accepted to be a cop, applied 10 times to Harvard and got denied. Today hes worth almost 30 billion dollars. So why? Why all the failure, why all the rejection? Was his vibration too high for the things he was trying to get? I mean Harvard, you’d think your vibration would have to be pretty high to get in there, right? So then what is it? And I see this over and over and over, in my life and in others lives around me.

What comes to mind is fate, destiny. There’s something out there that you need to get or somewhere you need to be that had you gotten that thing and got accepted to that place or dated that girl, you’d never have gotten there, it would have derailed you from where you needed to be. We always have the grandest plans, but we almost never get there. But yet we are always where we need to be, and most never where we want to be.

The easiest way I can explain this is through dating. 2 years ago I happen to meet this wonderful girl that came out of the blue. We’re no longer together, but the journey I have been on since then has been extraordinary. I met her out of the blue, totally not expecting to meet her at all. I was dating an amazing girl, in love with her actually, and this one comes along out of the blue. So I do what any man looking for the next best thing would do, I broke up with the one I was seeing and started dating the next one. What has come from that move has changed my life.

I did not expect to be in that position, at all, not even close. But that’s where I needed to be. From that relationship I ended up living on a tropical island, working with CEO’s of companies, meeting the most incredible people, and embarking on a self-exploratory journey of self development that has altered the course of my life. Although one relationship “failed”, the next one catapulted me to a much higher plane. The meteoric rise came crashing less than a year ago and I was left stunned, shocked. How could something so good come to such an end? From them I went back into the dating field, only to come up short over and over. Wondering, why is this not working out? Clearly I can do it, I’ve done it before. And then after rejection after rejection, I come across a beautiful girl that ends up showing me a whole new life, once again. I got the do some things on my bucket list that would never have happened had I stayed in that relationship. And let me tell you, she was a ffrreeaaakkkk!!! We had a lot of fun. Traveled, partied, had a great time. And then that ended. Only for me to find another one that made me realized that this was the one I had been waiting for this whole time. We had a short relationship and then I was over it. But from that I saw that sometimes the things we hold on to might not be the best thing for us to have, and that we do it mostly so that we don’t have to face whats out there, and whats out there sometimes looks lonely.

During my 2 year relationship I was a difference man, and I use the word MAN loosely. I was male, but not masculine. Somewhere along the way I had lost it. The breakup and consequent collapse of my self worth allowed me to see that there was a problem that needs to be addressed. Which led me to the Sterling Institute of Relationships. Justin Sterling taught me things I needed to learn that would have never happened had I just stayed in that relationship which I knew was not working but refused to leave it because of the fear of me not finding anyone as good. Meaning that my self worth was dependent on her and without her I am worth nothing. But she had to leave in order for me to see my own worth and work on my own self to become a better man, and masculine man that is not afraid of failure. After all, the more failure we encounter in our life the more we are able to deal with it. There is no such thing as being fearless, but there is such a thing as being courageous. And courage is what gets me through. We will encounter multiple failures in life, but the key is to have the courage to know that they are roadblocks for a reason, and everything happens for a reason, and its always in your favor. As long as you never give up and keep trying, the thing you need is out there waiting for you to smash through failure and failure, rejection after rejection until it shows up.

Which brings me back to relationships. The ones I get rejected by might get me down for a minute, but when I see it as destiny, it changes the context of how I see it. So I got denied by one, what if I hadn’t, what if it worked… where would I be? Would I be derailed from the one that I really am looking for? Would I have to settle for that one and miss out? So many of us do, and live a miserable life with someone that doesn’t light is up. And this story of life is a short one, so why not live it to its fullest, come what may? Fear. Fear that we might not do better, that we might end up failing and being alone, and the person we are looking for is not going to be out there. I think as long as we know what we want and keep going after it, then its inevitable that they will show up.

So many things in life seem to not work out, even when we have the best of intentions. Is it because we are failures? Or is it really because that is not what we are meant to have ? Have I had fun this summer?? Yes, Yes I have. I’ve had 3-somes, dated amazing women, had the best experiences, and had a blast along the way. Has any of them worked out? NO. But what has come of it? Experiences that I’ve always wanted to have and would never have had I just settled in a miserable relationship. Since the breakup I’ve traveled, I’ve dated, I’ve had the best wines, the best food, seen some amazing places, hung out with amazing friends, and started the road to one self-development company, and started working on my inventions…something I have been putting off my entire life. So could this be why? Well… theoretically…. had I settled down with the ex, my invention would never have gotten off the ground because I would have gone full force in to her business. I would have never had the experience of all those women. I would never have experienced all the experiences I had the pleasure of experiencing. And the list goes on and on. And most of all I would not be in a place where I needed to work on something I love and make my own way in life, independent of anyone else. So was it all worth it, well I guess only time will tell…. but I can tell you this. Since then, I’ve had the best sex of my life, gotten the best BJ’s of my life, had the best drinks I’ve ever tasted, met some of the most amazing people, and embarked on a journey that will no doubt lead me to where I’ve always wanted to be. And the story is not over yet.

All we get in this one is one day, 24 hours. Everything that happens in the world happens in 24 hours. So make it the best 24 hours of your life!!

The simple thing

Posted: September 20, 2018 in Heart

This simplest things in life are really the best. The love of a woman. Watching her sleep after eating her pussy so good she cums and falls asleep, holding her in your arms, feeling her warmth, having a smoke outside listening to the crickets sing their song, typing up a blog drunk off Spanish wine. It’s a beautiful life. Never take it for granted. Ever.

Life is so precious. We won the lottery just by being alive. Use every moment. Every single one. Live these moments like their your last. Cause what if there was no other. Would you be where you are???? I know I would. If these were my last moments in life I’d be perfectly content. The beauty of life. That’s the thing. It’s beautiful cause you never know. You never know. And if I knew, I’d still do what I’m doing right now. So grateful. So content. Thank you.

ASHLEY, STOP READING MY BLOG!!

Posted: August 28, 2018 in Heart

NOT COOL….. NOT COOL AT ALL!! 😒

What if you can manifest anything and everything you’ve ever wanted simply by writing down? What would your life look like?

I’ve been realizing so much in the last few months. A LOT has happened since the last time I posted anything. So why haven’t I posted anything about this? Seems like the perfect time, no? Well yes, it is. But when so much is going on, the last thing on my mind is to sit in the quietness of life and bare my soul to the world. So I don’t. So over the next little while, I’ll be recapping old stories from the last few months with you. And there are some AMAZING ones! For now, it’s just gonna be this realization to kick things back off and get me back in the routine.

So here’s what happened. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about manifestations and manifesting whatever I want in life. This started with a chat with my old dear friend and semi-part-time life coach who is always game to give me some amazing coaching, all free of charge obviously cause she’s an incredible human being.

So I call her after not talking for months, she tells me she’s been on this incredible journey through life, so much has changed, yadda yadda… Then she tells me about a 10-day silent retreat she went on. Something I’ve been told over and over by multiple people to do. Deep in the woods is a resort where you go 10 days no talking, and just reflect. So she did this. And for the 10 days, she just thought about what she wanted. Thought about it, felt it, put herself in the middle of it, and let it be as if it was actual reality. What/how would you feel if you got the thing you wanted? So feel it. Think about it. Focus on it. Believe it. And believe that whatever you manifest will happen, only if you want it to. And this is much different than thoughts you have that you don’t believe or want to happen. That’s a whole other post. So what happened you ask. What did she want to manifest? She wanted to manifest a baby and to be back in school for psychology. So ok both those things are possible, just have to do them right? Well the school thing, ok, sign up and your good. But the baby. She on birth control. He wears condoms and pulls out. And she isn’t ready to bring it up with him that she wants a baby, at this point it’s still just a dream. So she gets done the 10-day retreat. Nothing changes. Still on birth control. He still wears a condom and still pulls out. Well, 2 weeks go by and she misses her period. Few weeks go by now, and she does the test. Can you guess what happened?! Yupp, prego!!

So after this convo, I start to think… Hhmmm…. If this girl can manifest a life (among other things she thought about and they happened) then why the hell don’t I start doing it. Feel and think how I’d be feeling and thinking if I had the thing I wanted. So I started. The first question was…. What the fuck do I want?! So I thought, I want to feel the feeling I felt when I met Christie, my ex. We met on IG, and from the first message, we talked for 3-4 hours a day, stupid smirky smile on my face all day, feeling crazy enamoured with her. So I started thinking and feeling it. As many times as I’d Remebered, every day I’d remember. So what happens? A few days later, it happens. I meet Laura. It was like déjà vu! But this was even better! Way better. I’m blown away. This story is one that needs it’s own post cause clearly I didn’t specify what I wanted in detail lol so the universe gave me what I wanted but not the other details that I needed. You’ll see what I mean when I write about that story.

So what has me come back and start writing again? Well, today. Ok actually, I’ll start with yesterday. Last night I’m driving back to town, flying on the highway, it’s around midnight, my phone starts ringing, it’s my tribe partner. Yes, that’s another post in itself, lol so much has happened! So he calls me lighting me up over breaking my word, not having integrity, etc, he’s pretty mad about it at this point. So I stay unemotional, answer factually. Yes, my voice does raise a bit, but def not upset. So long story short, we agree that we’re going to have a call to discuss everything the next day for the mandatory minimum of 30 min at the end of the day the next day. And if there’s time, a quick 5min call in the day. We both work so we’re gonna try to make it happen. So to not fuck it up and have him light me up again and me be out of integrity, I write it all down in my calendar. So I want to remind myself to call him the next day, so I put it in my calendar to call him the next day. What time did I put it in for?? I figured 11 am would be a good time to remind myself to set up a call with him via text and we figure out a good time.

So today, I remembered at 9, so I msg. “Lemme know if your free today for 5min”? He replies with “I would say 5 mins around 11 sharp”? This was my face when I read that msg….. 😳….. Right?! I go to the calendar and look, Yupp!! I put it in for 11!! What the fuck?! Of the 12 hours we could have picked, we both picked 11?!

Coincidence?? See here’s the thing. There’s no such thing as a coincidence, everything happens for a reason, and it’s always in your favour. Believe that and your outlook on the world will change.

So the question again is…. If you could manifest everything you wrote down in your calendar, what would you manifest??

Now get the fuck out there and manifest everything you want!

The difference between a stallion and a mule, In real life.

The mule is reliable, carries massive amounts of weight on his back, dependable, loyal, will die instead of giving up, and is as behaved as can be. The biggest thing tho is that he knows his places and acts accordingly. The stallion on the other hand… Well… It’s his world and he’ll do whatever the fuck he wants. He shits where he wants, wrecks shit, fucks whoever he wants, is arrogant, it’s his land and everything is his to do whatever he wants with, even if he’s tied up. If he doesn’t want you to touch him, he’ll make it known instantly, doesn’t fuck around and under no circumstance will he let you fuck with him if it’s not invited. He has total disregard for anything or anyone around him except for himself.

Start with yourself first… Then focus on others. If you don’t get yourself, you won’t get others, you’ll be too confused and end up nowhere. This comes from Jessy teaching me how to speak Spanish, me asking… How do you say she is? Focus on yourself. Start with you.

I really really like problems. I love you fix them. No matter what they are. Sometimes I think problems follow me cause I create them. I thrive on fixing the problem. I get so amped up when there’s a problem I need to fix. First responder. I always bring a flashlight, first aid kit, everything in case something goes wrong so I can jump in, be a hero, fix that problem, find a solution. Hero complex.

Women are like horses. They sense fear, they sense if your a good rider. They sense if you know how to handle them. A feminine energy. Will be at ease with someone who isn’t afraid to take the reigns. Once mounted, they will allow you to direct them. They are the powerful force that will only allow someone equally as powerful, if not more, to ride them, direct them, instruct them. If you are afraid, they will sense your energy. They will not allow you to be on. They will buck you off. Or if your unsure, they will take off on you, do whatever they have to do to rid themselves of you. But if your sure of yourself and your ability they will allow you to do pretty much whatever with them. I witnessed this on the farm. Julia’s brother, a beast of a man. Gets on the horse bareback. Grabs his hair, the reigns, and kicks him. Slaps the side of his neck and takes off. Makes him do circles to the right. Rear up, circles to the left. Fast, slow, dance, whatever the fuck he wanted, this horse did. No question. Unafraid to allow him to have total dominance and control. Unafraid he will injure the horse. The horse knew that the rider knew what’s best and allowed his direction, unequivocally. Without hesitation. He ravished the horse and the horse allowed it totally, and powerfully. It was a thing of beauty. He knew what he wanted and he told the horse what to do and the horse did it. That’s it.