Wow what a shit show

Posted: November 24, 2018 in Heart

So I’m drunk. Sitting in the most beautiful place I can think of this year. And I’m so not feeling it. So much has happened in the last week. But I’ll start off with what just happened. So I stupidly decide to go on an all-inclusive vaca with my ex. Yes it was short. We’re like best friends now. But still my ex. And I’m seeing this new girl who’s in love with me. Well used to be until tonight at least. I let it slip that on here with my ex. I must have not told her, I do remember I said I’m here with a friend. But I got wasted and said it. She got so mad she deleted me off insta and it’s over. And I’m sitting here heart broken over this. Stupid I know. But I did it. It happened. And now she’s gone. All my plans and all my futures and it’s all gone. How I feel? Heartbroken. Shattered. I asked for her to understand but she won’t. And it’s done. I make mistakes, stupid ones I get it. But I’m human. I’m sad. Relaizeing what I did. Nothing happened between the ex and I, slept in diff rooms. The whole nine. Never did anything.. Nore will I ever. But I get how it looks. Bad. Fuck.

This last 2 weeks have been insane. I gave my best friend chlamydia, had the craziest 3some, met a whole bunch of girls, hired a personal assistant that I like and went on dates with. I dunno wtf I’m doing. Also met an amazing girl that I could have had future with but I fucked it up by going on vaca with my ex. Idunno. Fuck. I’m drunk, yes. Things don’t make sense right now. I can’t believe how dumb I am sometimes. But I’m not normal. Just not. Sometimes I wanna be normal. Sometimes I’m I’m glad I’m not. Just gets all fucked up in the mix of life. Yet here I am. The ex is out doing shit. I’m in the patio overlooking beauty. And yet here I am. Heartbroken, distraught, unhappy. What do I do? Get more drunk? Go to sleep? Go out? Idunno. What can I do. On top of all that I thought I saw my ex who I’m not totally over yet. And it broke me. Fuck. Fuck. Whatever.

Look, whoever is reading this I’m sorry for being such a lush. Pouring out my dumb feelings on the world. I just don’t know what else to do. Let it out I guess. Let it out in black and white to the world to see that I’m only human and I fuck up all the time. But what do I want? Love. Epic love. And I can’t seem to find it cause I keep fucking it up… Making stupid mistakes. Fuck.

Oh well whatever. Everything happens for a reason. No such thing as a coincidence. And it always happens in your favor.. Maybe it was to teach me not to do shit like that. But I had these plans before I met her. But whatever. A

To my people in the world. Thank you for reading my drunken rants. I love you all with all my heart. ❤️

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