Have you ever asked yourself that question? Who do I admire? And then asked, well why do I admire them? A question we don’t really ever delve deep in to.

So I have been in a program called landmark for some time now, maybe a year and half the what I’ve gotten out of it throughout this period is absolutely priceless. Words almost can’t express. If there was a button I could put where you can tap and feel what I feel, you’d get what I mean. But since there isn’t, words are my only tool to express the miraculous.

So as you well know, I just experienced a breakup. My first word to mind as I right this is…. “I suffered a break up”, but why? Why is it that a circumstance in life, good or bad, needs to be explained in terms of the reaction or story I add to it? All that happened was a breakup. As cold as it sounds, everything else I add to it is a story that I have fabricated and now living into. Did emotion come up? Of course. Were they painful? Of course! Did I have to suffer though? Absolutely not!

Which bring be back admiration. Something I learned is that we live in a world where there is always “something wrong”. So looking at it from that point of view, my suffering comes the fact that her breaking up with me is “wrong”! Morality. And morality is subjective. To me it might be the “wrong move”, to her it’s the “right move”. She’s not suffering. The same thing happened, yet I am subjecting myself to suffering that really isn’t necessary. It’s a story I have laid on top of simple facts that give me something to live in to. At the end of the day, she was just doing what was in her best interest. And when the “suffering” is removed, it was in mine as well.

So where does admiration fit into all of this? Well, me losing her is me losing someone that admires me. Me looking elsewhere for admiration. Where does this stem from? Well, to start off with, the world of “something is wrong”. Which manifests itself in a few ways. I’m not good enough. I don’t belong here. I’m on my own. And this plays out in a set of ways. Everyone is different. Some might have 1 or all of those. But it always plays out in a similar fashion. Similar feelings. Similar actions. Me I have this thing that tells me, well “I just don’t get it”, numbing myself to it all. Or “I need to try harder”. Obviously I fucked it up and so next time I’ll just try harder. Or, well I didn’t deserve this person, they were too good for me. And so on and so forth.

In reality, what I’m seeking is admiration. Her admiration so I can feel good about myself. Others admiration in being in an amazing relationship, whether it’s actually working or not. It kinda feels like I’m hoeing myself out for a cheap reward and at the end of the day I never really get it. Looking at it from those eyes, I start to see where that plays out in every part of my life. The nice car, the house, the job, the clothes, the shoes, the beard…. Everywhere!! It’s all about the admiration of others!!

So this brings me back to, who do I admire. Or more specifically, what qualities make me admire a person. If they are well groomed, if they read, if they work out, if they are confident, if they get what they want in life, if they never need anyone there with them, self-sufficient. That’s a person to be admired, right?? So then let me ask you this. Who does that person admire?? Or who does that person NOT admire?

So if I get all these things, and I’ve gotten to the place where now I can be that person to be admired, why do I still feel the same? Where does this empty feeling come from? Why do I still have to need to want to be admired? Ultimately…. The only person who I don’t admire…. IS MYSELF!! So why don’t I?

Well…. Cause I spend my life trying to be admired by others where somewhere along the way I neglected admiring myself!! So what would me admiring me look like? Well, it look like me putting myself first for one. Me valuing myself and coming from a space of, does this work for me? Does this bring me joy? Does doing this bring me value and joy? Does me doing this or being this way make me someone that I would admire?

Something to think about. Something to ponder. Who would I look like, what would I be doing, how would I be acting if the only person I want to admire is myself? First I’d have to look at the qualities I admire in others and bringing them to my own life. Building those qualities and characteristics to a point where I am the one that I’m admiring. Asking myself…. What do I want? What would make me happy? Not, what do they want or what would make others happy!

I WANT TO BE THE ONE THAT I ADMIRE!!

If we were standing in your physical shoes, that would be our dominant quest: Entertaining Yourself, pleasing Yourself, connecting with Yourself, being Yourself, enjoying Yourself, loving Yourself. Some say, “Well, Abraham you teach selfishness.” And we say, yes we do, yes we do, yes we do, because unless you are selfish enough to reach for that connection, you don’t have anything to give anyone, anyway. And when you are selfish enough to make that connection—you have an enormous gift that you give everywhere you are.

— Abraham

Comments
  1. lovebug1323 says:

    arrughhh ya see I can say I haven’t accomplished it lol sorry

  2. lovebug1323 says:

    You should not judge yourself on how others see you everyone is their own beautiful person…so you didn’t mesh well…so funny how everyone is always out there looking for that perfect person when it is you yourself…you are a beautiful person and yes you need to love yourself before you can love someone and then maybe the right people will come to you…it is the hardest thing to overcome I defiantly cant say I haven’t accomplished it

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