It’s still not resolved…

Posted: December 23, 2017 in Heart

Neuronal patterns. Once created, they are hard to break. Although not impossible. I heard a great quote yesterday, it goes like this…. Neurons that fire together, wire together. The more you think about something or react to something in a certain way, neurons will wire up that way so you follow that way of thought or emotion easier. The brain is lazy and will look for the easiest way to do something in a way that uses the least amount of energy. It’s efficient, but if not checked will lead us down a rabbit hole. The brain is a great tool but a terrible master. This is the whole discussion of IT (the brain) VS. Self (the spirit). Getting a little sidetracked now. I say all this to explain what happened today.

GF is a real estate investor, and she got approached by a client that I’ve had some… Well… Not the best feeling about. As in the reason for his wanting to invest is less than savoury. Ulterior motives. She’s an attractive girl. Great catch. And if your willing to pursue then would make a great long term partner, obv why I’ve invested myself and efforts in this relationship. So he flats his R8, car she wants obv, says she can’t drive if she wants and all this, you know…. Flash cash at a young money hungry girl and it makes their eyes twinkle. But I’m like, why worry about something I can’t control, right?! If she’s a gold digger then this will be the point it’s revealed. So yesterday he invests, and promised to invest even more. She’s been worried about money lately so this comes at a perfect time. He saved her. She talks about his more than I’d like, but ok, fine whatever. Today she’s freaking out (in a good way) at a logo with her IG name he made her. So for me it struck a nerve. It’s like going back sometime when a boy would make a girl a mixtape when he had a crush on her. Which brought back some old feelings. Right away I react in an extreme manner and emotionally start pulling out. Start getting ready for the inevitable. Extreme, right? Well it brought back all the same feelings as I had during the breakup. So they’re still there. They left shortly after we started being a thing again, and got replaced with older emotions, pre-breakup emotions and thoughts. Tension too. I couldn’t figure out why. I was even thinking about those feelings felt, but couldn’t reproduce them. So I figured they’re gone. Well with one text, they came back. Yupp, still wired together. Resentment is still present. I’m clearly still not settled in this. I still don’t think she’s in it. My story, and its just that for now, just a story. And not to offend anyone out there, but girls are guilable, for the most part. They have no idea when they’re being played by a guys. We’re sneaky, we’ll use anyway to get you to crush on us, even secretly. You’ll think it’s harmless, till the slow slide ends up with you focusing more on the next guy than on your current relationship, and then it happens. We play the long game, well some true pros do at least. We’ll be relentless when we want something. Total mind fuck. And before you know it, we’ve stolen you away without you even knowing it. It’s a dirty game but the saying holds true, all’s fair in love and war.

So what do I do then? Well the short answer is, nothing. If I bring it up then I’m jealous. And if I pull away then it was my fault cause I backed out. So what then? Well, if your not giving your 100% in a relationship all the time then your not doing it right. Cause if you are, then no matter what happens you’ll never need to forgive yourself if it fails. You gave it 100%, it’s all you could have done. In that case, you lucked out. Better to be done with a less than savoury charter early on than 10 years deep. That’s when it really hurts. So it’s business as usual until it’s not business as usual. Thoughts and emotions are overwhelming, but what your commited to is what dictates how you behave and the actions that you take. It might seem fake, but that only if you are a slave of your thoughts and emotions. When your a creator, whatever way of being you create is authentic as long as you know your SELF and take action from there, regardless of what your mind is feelings are screaming at you. It’s the old biting of the tongue, the swallowing of the pride, the old taking it like a man, the old cowboying up. Many terms. Same thing. And if in the end, you’ve done everything, and you biatch leaves your ass for someone with more money….. Then fuck that gold digging bitch. She can be someone else’s problem. As the English say, good riddance to bad rubbish. Bye bitch (insert the bbm emoji where he’s one hand waving with a big ol smile).

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