Archive for December, 2017

So your thinking…. Wtf is this guy talking about?! I’ll tell you what I’m talking about. Ever since I’ve been a kid I’ve always been fascinated with the fact that my father’s reflexes were actually actually faster than that of a cat’s. That might seem bizarre but it’s all true. This is a man that’s grown up in the scariest most hostile conditions this planet has to offer and somehow rose to the surface like the cream does with milk when you shake the shit out of it. Essentially you subject the milk to a hostile environment, and the best it has to offer rises to be liberated, while the rest (at one time in the past) would be swine food. Or at least that’s what my GF’s grandma tells me, yes she was obviously a milk farmer. Moving on….. My father’s reflexes. And yes he knew it, and would point it out every time. This would always happen when he or one of us would drop something. If he was in the vicinity, he would reach out like a lighting bolt and snatch whatever it was out of the air before it had a chance to drop on the ground. Comes in really handy if whatever your dropping could, well, cause damage if smashed. And I’ve always been fascinated with that. So I practiced and practiced and practiced. Until I was in my late teens, and I was there. Fast, boy, fast. Like lightning fast. The crazy part is its all reaction. All “IT”. Neuronal pathways trained to react in a certain way. Neurons firing together wire together so their reaction is hardwired. And all it takes it practice. And since I keep it up, it’s still present. I’m at the ripe old age now of 36 and I’m standing in front of the microwave heating up some leftovers. I open the top off of a kefir bottle, I start drinking, I drop the lid from about chest height. By the time the lid is about thigh height, I’ve already caught it, still drinking my delicious organic kefir. I put the bottle down, put the lid back on, and walk away. As you can imagine, everyone around is stunned. Movie scene like. Yeah, it was gangster. I have to admit, even I thought it was pretty badass. Something Ethan Hunt might do, not think twice about, walk away while everyone around raises an eyebrow wondering, who is this guy?!

As much as I’d like to say I wrote this to brag about my speed and abilities, it was a moment of realization. That no matter what you want to do in life, whether it’s physical or mental, with time and training, you can achieve any goal. The brain will adapt and the body will aid in whatever it is you want to achieve. Anything!! The only obstacle? Ourselves. Lack of patience. The inability to see more than what’s present in short term. It’s not faith, it’s science. Practice something long enough and your brain and body will start to morph into that which you are practicing. In time obviously. Now the only thing is….. It has to be intentional for it to have enough significance to alter your brain/body. So set the intention, then take the action as if it was the way it already is. The whole “fake it till you make it” approach. Cause in reality, there’s no such thing as fake as long as you recognize that your the creator. Any way of being is just that, a way of being. And when you know that your the creator, any way of being you create will always be authentic. It doesn’t even matter WHAT you create, it’s THAT you create. And the first time it’ll seem 100% fake. But stick with it knowing “fake” is not a thing when your a creator. Everyone starts from nothing. So enjoy the process and relish in the fruits of your creation!!

Happy creating!!

It’s still not resolved…

Posted: December 23, 2017 in Heart

Neuronal patterns. Once created, they are hard to break. Although not impossible. I heard a great quote yesterday, it goes like this…. Neurons that fire together, wire together. The more you think about something or react to something in a certain way, neurons will wire up that way so you follow that way of thought or emotion easier. The brain is lazy and will look for the easiest way to do something in a way that uses the least amount of energy. It’s efficient, but if not checked will lead us down a rabbit hole. The brain is a great tool but a terrible master. This is the whole discussion of IT (the brain) VS. Self (the spirit). Getting a little sidetracked now. I say all this to explain what happened today.

GF is a real estate investor, and she got approached by a client that I’ve had some… Well… Not the best feeling about. As in the reason for his wanting to invest is less than savoury. Ulterior motives. She’s an attractive girl. Great catch. And if your willing to pursue then would make a great long term partner, obv why I’ve invested myself and efforts in this relationship. So he flats his R8, car she wants obv, says she can’t drive if she wants and all this, you know…. Flash cash at a young money hungry girl and it makes their eyes twinkle. But I’m like, why worry about something I can’t control, right?! If she’s a gold digger then this will be the point it’s revealed. So yesterday he invests, and promised to invest even more. She’s been worried about money lately so this comes at a perfect time. He saved her. She talks about his more than I’d like, but ok, fine whatever. Today she’s freaking out (in a good way) at a logo with her IG name he made her. So for me it struck a nerve. It’s like going back sometime when a boy would make a girl a mixtape when he had a crush on her. Which brought back some old feelings. Right away I react in an extreme manner and emotionally start pulling out. Start getting ready for the inevitable. Extreme, right? Well it brought back all the same feelings as I had during the breakup. So they’re still there. They left shortly after we started being a thing again, and got replaced with older emotions, pre-breakup emotions and thoughts. Tension too. I couldn’t figure out why. I was even thinking about those feelings felt, but couldn’t reproduce them. So I figured they’re gone. Well with one text, they came back. Yupp, still wired together. Resentment is still present. I’m clearly still not settled in this. I still don’t think she’s in it. My story, and its just that for now, just a story. And not to offend anyone out there, but girls are guilable, for the most part. They have no idea when they’re being played by a guys. We’re sneaky, we’ll use anyway to get you to crush on us, even secretly. You’ll think it’s harmless, till the slow slide ends up with you focusing more on the next guy than on your current relationship, and then it happens. We play the long game, well some true pros do at least. We’ll be relentless when we want something. Total mind fuck. And before you know it, we’ve stolen you away without you even knowing it. It’s a dirty game but the saying holds true, all’s fair in love and war.

So what do I do then? Well the short answer is, nothing. If I bring it up then I’m jealous. And if I pull away then it was my fault cause I backed out. So what then? Well, if your not giving your 100% in a relationship all the time then your not doing it right. Cause if you are, then no matter what happens you’ll never need to forgive yourself if it fails. You gave it 100%, it’s all you could have done. In that case, you lucked out. Better to be done with a less than savoury charter early on than 10 years deep. That’s when it really hurts. So it’s business as usual until it’s not business as usual. Thoughts and emotions are overwhelming, but what your commited to is what dictates how you behave and the actions that you take. It might seem fake, but that only if you are a slave of your thoughts and emotions. When your a creator, whatever way of being you create is authentic as long as you know your SELF and take action from there, regardless of what your mind is feelings are screaming at you. It’s the old biting of the tongue, the swallowing of the pride, the old taking it like a man, the old cowboying up. Many terms. Same thing. And if in the end, you’ve done everything, and you biatch leaves your ass for someone with more money….. Then fuck that gold digging bitch. She can be someone else’s problem. As the English say, good riddance to bad rubbish. Bye bitch (insert the bbm emoji where he’s one hand waving with a big ol smile).

So it’s been a little while

Posted: December 21, 2017 in Heart

As the title states, it’s been a little while since I’ve had the chance to unleash my thoughts on these pages. The therapeutic factor of it is priceless and yet I haven’t made time for this to happen. As much as I’d love a following reading my stuff daily and getting something from it that might make their day a little better, it really is more if a selfish pleasure. Also maybe something to leave to a future generation that will not know the joy of reading old notes from a paper journal. The smell of the old pages, the feel of the paper between their fingers, the fact that it never needs to be recharged and yes you still need light to see the words. Maybe it’s just nostalgia, who knows. Regardless, it’s been a while. In the 2 months exactly, A LOT has happened!! And when I say A LOT I mean AAAALLLOOOOTTTTT!!!!!

To start off, Christie and I are back together as BF/GF. A fact that will be concealed from my rents at all costs for the time being, but that in itself is a whole other post that needs its time. So yeah, we’re back.

On a side note, I was driving to work this morning at 5am, no one on the road, and I was thinking about this blog. Do much so that I had to add it to my calendar to make a point of writing. So I was thinking that it’s funny how during the darkest of times in a person’s life is the best time to write, get it out, lock it up on paper and get it out of the mind. That’s all when the pain is deepest and the writing is richest. It’s when the best words can be strung together in the best way and make the reader feel the best of the worst of life. BUT, it’s also the time when the spirit is crushed and has no will to write or even share any of it. On the flip side of that, during the happiest time in a person life is when writing is the richest in a happy joyous way, but usually if your enjoying life that much, who’s got time to write about it?! Leaving the mediocre. And that’s nothing to write home about. Mediocre days don’t spawn such as combacks as….. “Oh yeah, well I had to wash my grey goose only to find it watered down”. Or something like that. Just silliness really. That was my reply to her saying, “I had to wash my grey down (jacket) and a week later I found it still wet!”, while in the line for border security screening coming back from our latest Belize trip. And yes we back in Belize but this time it’s a whole other story.