Posted: December 31, 2016 in Trials of Life

​So today I only got 3 hours sleep and I’m off to work. Nothing unusual for my first day on the job. The way it normally is. Average is 3. If I’m lucky it’s 5. So not bad. But weird part is I went to bed, slept like a rock, woke up in the most confused state with my alarm going off,drenched in sweat. OK even tho that was the case my heart wasn’t beating off weird. But, 10min after the first time my alarm went, it started to palpitate. Now, is this cause of the adrenaline? Not sure. But likely. So now I’m just laying here, drying up, writing this, heart is hitting a few off beats as we speak. I really do wonder if it’s just the adrenaline that’s doing this and making it beat weird. Idunno. Not cool tho. I hate it. Like I look forward to the day it stops. Why it’s gone on for this long I have no idea. Unnerving. But I’m handling it a lot better after seeing Frank. It’s like now it’s been pointed out I can see it. I’m tense, a lot! And I can’t just seem to relax. And waking up terrified cause of the alarm doesn’t help one bit!!! Such a horrible feeling. Oh well. OK to start the day!!

0415: 1x exhilarin 

0430: 1.5g taurine, 1tsp D-ribos, bee pollen, 7g glutamine, 5g arginine, 1 scoop gelatin powder,  1 scoop phytoberry, mct oil, 

0700: nerval tonic tea, 30 drops heart care, buckwheat honey 

Feeling like I’m nervous. Like adrenalin is leaking into me and I’m ready to bounce. Feeling so on edge. Lack of sleep? Work? Alarm waking me like a maniac? Not sure. But it’s not gonna just go away any time soon on its own. I have to actually do something about it. Relax. Meditate. Take it easy. See what happens after that happens. I have to make it a point to be proactive about it. In bze I have to now. Like it used to be. No more stress. Wake up early and meditate and relax. Start the day with a good routine. 

0715: 20 almonds

0800: 1x ALA, 1x CoQ10, 1x carnitine,  1x fish oil,  1x krill oil. Corned beef hash omelet from leaky tank (free) 

I hate illness so much. And the thing is I don’t even know why I hate illness.  Is it death?? Idunno. I think it’s more than just that. It must have something to do with losing control. Idunno. Not being in control of my own body. Not having A say In thing. Not being valid. Someone else or something else being in control over me and me helpless. Like I was as a child. Helpless. 

1030: tea: chamomile, CAF, hibiscus, holy basil

1200: chamomile and mint tea from Timmie’s 

So the realization I make is always so overwhelming. But I only make these realizations when something else bad is happening in in my life. The contrast is what makes it so clear. And makes me appreciate it so much. Like here I am, at work (something so many people can’t find), making mad loot (an amount 70% if the population won’t make), going for a tour in the truck to get Timmie’s food and cheap yummy hot food (some in this world will never have a chance to ever eat), in a country where if anything happens to me they rush out and get me and fix me and I don’t pay anything extra (most on the plant have no idea what thats like) . So that’s one. Then there’s mh health, which for the most part is better than most at 35, my charming whit and boyish good looks (most will never experience at 35, or ever for that matter) . I have a German chariot to whisk me to my house, which I own (most will never have) in a quaint neighborhood, with all the amenities one could ask for (most even in Canada will never have) . Then I meet this girl, who’s got the hots for me, who’s loyal, beautiful, and just a lot of fun to be with. Introduces me to millionaires and whisks me away to exotic belize, where I spend half my days with her, playing with a monster real life Lego set!!! Big toys for big boys!! I have 2 brothers who are still in my life. I have 2 parents who are still in my life. They pray for me night and day for my success, happiness, health, protection, and to find the perfect girl to make me happy. And every single one of their prayers are heard. Is that lucky? Is that blessed? No its something more. Something more than both of those. Something that has no words. No language has been created to explain it or describe it. It’s of Godly nature. And I’m  “_________” enough to have it!!!!

God I’m so frustrated by this heart thing. I wanna know wtf is going on. And I want it to stop. It’s so so so annoying.  It’s so bothersome. I need time to make sure it’s ok. Not a bad thing. Tomorrow I have a test at 130 so well see how that goes.

1530: some more of that left over eggs and hash from this morning. Some broccoli, and spinach.  1x CoQ10, and x ALA, 1x carnitine.  1x tea Feeling Calm by PC
1700: stomach is burning. Left side chest pain over the front. Feels cramped. 
Come to think of it. I’ve been doing some reading. And some gerd patients have this issue. So one think I remember them saying is one said that he had gerd so bad that he couldn’t speak. So looking back, I’ve been losing my voice alot In the last 6 months or so. I thought I was just talking too much but it would happen even if I’m not yelling. It’s so weird. I didn’t even get it. Now maybe I’m. Thinking there’s a connection.  Gerd and pvc. My system is more acidic and I have crazy stomach pain when I eat anything sometimes. So maybe it’s just way too much acid and my system is acidic??

1830: 1 Timmie’s croissant egg and cheese. Left over hash from this morning. 

1900: hit the hospital to get checked out. So far they are saying it’s PAC’s and it’s nothing to worry about. They tool blood. And a chest xray. In a bit I’ll find out the results. If it’s all good, I’m golden goose. Inshallah. 

Results :

All good. Nothing indicated in the blood work. Nothing in the x-ray. Nothing on the EKG. They are PAC’s. And they happen for an unknown reason. But stress, caffeine, and lack of sleep seem highly trigger them. So off I go. 

2345: 1x potassium iodide, 1x tryptophan 

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